How your family benefits when you prioritise your relationship

By Marnie Adams, Contributor @ Kids In Perth | Created in collaboration with Nicole Koelewijn, Perth's Relationship Coach 27 Dec 2022

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Photo Credit: Nicole Koelewijn

"Some parents believe making time for each other in the form of date nights or regular moments without their children present is “selfish” or not a priority in the scheme of family life.

 

I’m here to tell you prioritising your romantic partnership is not only great for your relationship but also highly beneficial for your children."

 

Says Perth-based relationship coach, Nicole Koelewijn.

 

As parents, we are the cornerstone of our family. We are our child’s most important source of information when it comes to how they should think, treat others and what future goals they set for themselves.

 

Our example shapes their expectations for their own future romantic relationships.

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Photo Credit: Nicole Koelewijn

As much as we may think that we’re good at hiding things from our children, they are intuitive, intelligent and constantly soaking up our behaviour.

 

Do we want our children to feel safe prioritising their own needs in their future relationships?

Do we want them to have high expectations of affection and connection?

Do we want them to approach arguments with a future partner as a united team against a common issue rather than take an adversarial or combative approach to conflict?

 

Obviously, most parents will answer yes to these questions.

 

Aside from these longer-lasting impacts, investing time in your romantic partnership has more immediate flow-on effects for your family.

 

If you’re fulfilled and happy in your romantic relationship, you’ll find that you have more energy to be the parent you aspire to be for your children.

 

That’s why it’s not only unselfish to prioritise your partnership but also necessary.

 

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Photo Credit: Nicole Koelewijn

Below, please find links to Relationship Resources that'll help you to gain perspective on your relationship and how you manage conflicts. 

For more information, visit nicolekoelewijncoach.com or submit a form below.

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Learn More | Relationship Advice

Nicole Woelewijn, Perth's Relationship Coach shares her Top 10 Relationship Tips.

Relationship Tip #1 | Relationship life phases

Relationships go through life phases which means they will change and this is normal.

Relationship Tip #2 | Conflict isn't always bad

Conflict is not necessarily a red flag. Some conflict is normal and constructive in healthy relationships, ultimately it means you care!

Relationship Tip #3 | Daytime dates

For tired parents, try organising a daytime rather than an evening date. You'll notice a change in the energy and depth of the conversation you have.

Relationship Tip #4 | Common cause for arguments

Arguments stem from uncommunicated expectations that aren't met. So communicate these if you sense a discrepancy.

Relationship Tip #5 | Small and frequent

Small, frequent acts of love can go further than grand yet infrequent gestures.

Relationship Tip #6 | Stay curious

Always remain curious about your partner's inner world and ask questions. Even when you've been together for a long time, you can never know everything.

Relationship Tip #7 | Regular relationship check-ins

Schedule regular (every 3 or 6 months) relationship check-ins where you can have bigger conversations about how you feel you're going as a couple, any other life stressors and any desired changes for the future.

Relationship Tip #8 | Focus on Impact not behaviour

When communicating a hard message, focus on the impact it's had on you rather than making assumptions about what the other person meant by their behaviour.

Relationship Tip #9 | Don't be absolutist

Avoid speaking in absolutist terms such as “you always” or “you never” when raising a complaint with your partner. Be specific about the behaviour you're referring to by providing a recent example where possible.

Relationship Tip #10 | Don't compare

Try not to compare your relationship with others, it's irrelevant and there's no way you can know the full picture of what's going on in the inner world of other couples.

Social Feed | Engage with Nicole

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Learn More | Relationship Coaching 101

Great relationships are eternally in the process of creation and evolution.

Behind each one is a great deal of curiosity about each other’s inner worlds and the willingness to have challenging conversations.

What is Relationship Coaching?

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What does it look like?

Support to have the conversations you need to have but can’t seem to.

In Nicole's work, she draws from the modalities of coaching, mediation and psychology to support individuals and couples to understand their current situation at a deeper level and move towards creative, empowered and future-focused options moving forward.

Nicole creates an environment where couples feel equally safe, heard and seen.

Get deep, feel challenged and uncomfortable but also have a lot of fun in the process.

Write your future story, together and intentionally.

 

Who benefits from Coaching for Couples?

Coaching for Couples is for you if:

  • You have high expectations for how you want to experience your relationship.

  • You don’t want to waste time or energy perpetuating the same patterns or dynamics.

  • You or your partner feel the lack the tools or space to have deeper conversations in a constructive way during the course of everyday life.

  • You’re looking for a safe space to discuss where you’re at and where you want to be in terms of communication, intimacy or how to better manage conflict as a couple.

  • You’re looking for independent support so you don’t extend “drama” into other relationships or areas of your life by involving friends or family.

How does it work?

Step 1.

Get in Touch with Nicole using the form below or visiting her website to send an email letting her know a bit more about you and your situation.

Nicole will be in touch to set up a free 15-minute phone or Zoom call where you're able to clear up any questions you may have and, in general, get a feel for each other.

Step 2.

If everyone feels comfortable together, you're then going to choose how many sessions you wish to book with the first session scheduled during this step.

Sessions are 1-on-2, jointly with you and your partner and 90 minutes long.

Both options include tailored “homework” and resources following sessions for you to get the most out of the experience.

Step 3.

Nicole will love to hear feedback at the end of every session.

Also, Nicole will continue to be a resource for you at any point in your relationship journey after your time together.

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FAQs

How many sessions to sign up for?

This largely depends on your needs, goals and desires.

Typically, the longer you engage with coaching, the more likely it is you’ll get to the heart of the issue and changes will stick. Nicole recommends three sessions as a minimum to give yourselves the time to properly engage with the coaching process.

If you wish to explore a different arrangement, this is something to discuss together with Nicole.

Does our relationship need to be in trouble to get value from coaching?

Absolutely not.

While a bumpy patch is a natural time to connect and reflect on your relationship, you certainly don’t need to wait until this point.

You can always consciously shine a light while you’re in a good place.

Relationship coaching can help couples set goals, map out solutions to potential issues ahead of time and have important discussions about how you want your life together to be.

It’s definitely not all about navigating conflict.

How much is the investment?

  • For 3 x 90 min coaching sessions (4.5 hours of coaching), your investment is AU $997.

  • For 4 x 90 min coaching sessions (6 hours of coaching), your investment is $1,159.

  • For 5 x 90 min coaching sessions (7.5 hours of coaching), your investment is AU $1,429.

  • Further sessions are $280 per 90-minute session.

Are coaching sessions held in person or online?

Depending on your preference and what works with your lifestyle.

Sessions can be held either online over Zoom or in person at Nicole's space in Subiaco.

What is the difference between coaching and therapy?

Biggest difference between coaching and therapy is that as a coach, Nicole does not assess, diagnose or treat mental illness.

Coaching has been described as having a future orientation in contrast to therapy which can involve a deep exploration into past or childhood trauma.

The coaching process is focused on encouraging self-reflection and inspiring action.

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Relationship Resources

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Contact | Make Enquiry

Looking to introduce coaching into your relationship or have questions? How about receiving helpful relationship advice?

Get in touch directly with Nicole Koelewijn or sign up for her newsletter by submitting a form below.

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